Memory Day, 2007

The first time I did this, two years ago, it ranked up there as one of the most unusual customs I've run across. My wife calls it "Memory Day", though I 'm sure it's an imprecise translation. Here's how it works.

October 25th is the anniversary of the death of her grandfather, on her mothers side. So every year on this day, family members take time to visit the cemetery site of the departed. First thing to do is to clean up the site, pull weeds, plant something new, even though it is the end of October. Then, we set the table at the site (most plots have their own table) and have a small meal and a cognac toast in their memory. And always the stories. And we'd always leave some cognac and food for the departed too. This is even more striking since her family is not particularly religious.

Coming from the American tradition, or maybe it's more of a Catholic tradition, where many families would have trouble remembering the anniversary, knowing where their relatives are buried, or living hours away, this certainly surprised me the first time around. But after you do this once or twice, you begin to think "why not"?

So I was preparing myself mentally again this year for "memory day" when I found out things would be different this year. While it seems this ceremony is often observed for the first ten anniversaries, this year is the 11th, and we would be remembering at a relatives house this year. It was actually a bit of a let-down for me.

Another mystery for me about "memory day" is just who qualifies for such an honor. There hasn't been any mention of a "memory day" for her father's parents in the two years I've been here. And for my wife's mother, the ceremony day is more flexible, often done up to a week before or a week after the anniversary, depending on what's most convenient.

I guess it's just another of those imponderables for me, an foreigner living in East Europe.

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